Community Backs Stephen Hawking

In a recent Q&A session on Reddit, Stephen Hawking responded to questions about the impact of automation on society.  Suffering from decades of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Hawking performs the session using a device that automates his responses.  Through the miracle of the internet, which vastly improves the ability to reach audiences around the world, Stephen Hawking discussed the horrible impact automation will have on the working class.  Several people came away with new insights, and new respect for this academic giant.

“I felt it was very appropriate for an accomplished man of physics and mathematics to give his thoroughly thought-out views of economics.  I mean, I think a few economists have discussed this topic as well, but Stephen Hawking is a physicist, and therefore an authority.”

The general consensus was that no one could really offer a better opinion.

“You pretty much have to be a genius to know physics, and geniuses, like, know everything, right?  So when Stephen Hawking tells me economic reality, I listen.  I don’t even have to think about what he says, because he’s Stephen Hawking, so I know he’s right.”

And there was so much support for Hawking and his views, that a small community decided to reach out and put his words to practice.

“He says the equality gap will only grow and grow because only rich people will have machines, so there won’t be any opportunity for the working man and woman.  That’s why I got a small group of people together, and we pooled our resources to take away Stephen’s burdenous, automated wheelchair.  We’ve sent him a Morse code interpreter to relay his finger tapping, and he now has a full-time escort to push him around in his new, motorless wheelchair.  We have employed two people, saving both time and money, and closing the equality gap.  Hooray for physics!”

If physics teaches us anything, it’s that the economy can’t function if rich people are running around coming up with new ways to make tasks easier.  We’re looking at a fundamental revolution, all started by one brave man.

“As a progressive, it’s hard to decide whether what makes him more brave is his coping with a disease, or the massive list of academic accomplishments he has achieved while burdened by his unfortunate condition.  I thought maybe it was the disease, because he earned money with his efforts in science, and capitalism is bad, but if he’s using that knowledge to show us the errors in capitalistic thinking, I’m inclined to change my mind.”

John York, a man who sells lawn mowers and an ardent supporter of the US Postal Service, was among the Q&A attendees.

“It was mind-blowing all right, to learn how horrible life would be the closer we come to eliminating scarcity.  I’ve actually started selling motorless push-mowers, to reduce my impact on automation.  It’s really the least I can do, if Stephen Hawking is brave enough to attack the automation he can’t even live without.”

Brave indeed.  Stephen Hawking literally could not have held this Q&A without automation.


White Supremacists Vote Hillary

In a striking parallel to the fundamental truth of the recent election, Corporal Sekovski believes we all need to take a step back.  According to Sekovski, the time has come for us to get serious, and really look at how a man like Donald Trump became President of the United States.

“It’s pretty obvious.  We’ve been so focused on the people who voted for Trump, we missed the bigger picture; White supremacists voted for Hillary Clinton.”

Very obvious.  It’s so obvious, there’s really not much left to report, but information should always be catalogued, especially when it is true.

“You see, it’s all about propaganda.  People who voted for Hillary voted for the losing candidate.  Those people didn’t vote hard enough, and in so doing they allowed a racist, white, bigoted, homophobic, white, monstrous, disingenuous, capitalistic, white male misogynist to become President.  We already know that everyone who voted for third party candidates must be racist, and those who didn’t vote are admitting to being white nationalists for throwing their vote away on candidates that couldn’t win, clearly implying they are on board for Donald Trump’s racist America.”

So the conclusion, crystal clear, is Corporal Sekovski’s following words:

“Closet white supremacists voted Clinton.  It’s the only logical conclusion.  They pushed hard, so no one would think to run a winning candidate against Donald Trump.  Even though white people are projected to become a much smaller majority, they still have the numbers to rig elections like this, and to conspire behind the backs of both parties to get a racist into office.  Except honestly the republicans probably wanted Trump anyway, even though many said otherwise.”

Sekovski doesn’t want anyone to think he’s suggesting conspiracy.  In the natural course of events, this tragic outcome is to be expected.

“We have a long way to go in this country.  I’m not sure what the proper response is.  I feel that taking away voting rights from white males wouldn’t have the necessary impact.  Russia would just influence things, and we can’t take away Russia’s voting rights, because they hack computers.  Maybe the way forward is to let everyone vote, and then choose the winner from whoever won the minority vote.  I have served my country faithfully in the line of duty.  I expect the people whose rights I fought to protect to do the same.  We should all work together to protect each other’s rights, regardless of race or gender.  Otherwise it will become harder and harder to prevent white males from exercising their rights in improper ways.”

Corporal Sekovski believes in first-strike principles, and is an ardent proponent of sanctions against Russia.

SJW Found Dead After Thinking

On a horrific Wednesday morning, police entered the home of Alice Nhite, found dead in her room surrounded by crumpled paper.  Neighbors had noted suspicious behavior and unusual reticence from the house, but authorities were not notified until several days later.

“It was unusual for her to be so quiet.  I would have informed the police sooner, but I was worried I might come off as patronizing or privileged.”

Alice had a tendency to preach justice overbearingly, yet not enough.  Neighbors had nothing but nice things to say about her after she died and they were being filmed for the news.

“She got caught up in this election pretty bad.  There wasn’t an issue she looked at without seeing injustice.  Alice always felt guilty about her last name, so she changed it from ‘White’.  I think she was always consumed with personal guilt.  She was always telling me I should feel guilty, too.  She was good people.”

Alice Bhite’s tragic tale began as the 2016 election drew near.  At first, she knew she had to vote for Hillary Clinton.  Neighbors confirmed emphatically, some of them wild-eyed with terror, that she supported Hillary very, very vocally.

“Then one day it just struck her.  I don’t know why.  She started questioning herself.  I’ve never seen a stalwart warrior of social justice do that before.  It was frightening.  She began wondering if she was giving in to the patriarchy by placing a woman in a position of power.  Was it really because Hillary was a loving woman who did all good things, and deserved for it to be her turn?  Or was it just all of male society putting her up as a trophy woman to console the swelling mass of feminism?”

Whatever the case, crumpled notes surrounding Alice’s body confirmed that she had struggled, perhaps for weeks, with whether she should support a powerful woman or refuse to give in to misogyny.  The search for a logical stance led to a blood vessel bursting in her brain.

“When I went to get my morning paper, I knew something was wrong.  I made it to the mailbox without once being told how awful it is that I am privileged enough to read the news while minorities in the inner city lack education.  I even finished my breakfast without hearing about how everything is handed to me on a silver platter because of my race and gender.  At that point, I thought long and hard about phoning the police.  Then I headed off to the factory.”

When the authorities arrived, neighbors were filled with off-hand condolences.  Family members mentioned with sidelong glances that Alice would be missed.  The grief was so strong that many would not make eye contact with reporters.   Our hearts go out to the family, doing their best to hide their sorrow.  All due respect to this tragic, fallen warrior.

Local Woman Alleges Own Murder

Locals are recovering this morning from the shock of a murder that almost took place in a quiet neighborhood.  The victim, Nancy Fletcher, gives her account.

“I was just walking along the street, enjoying the morning air.  There were two young men drinking soda across the street.  I should have noticed sooner, but there was nothing I could do.”

The two young men, currently in police custody, might have assaulted and killed Nancy.  We don’t know.  What we do know is that Nancy was probably as good as dead.

“I didn’t approach them, and they never came near me, but I had the distinct impression that I had been murdered.  They made me feel like a murder victim, and men are violent and out of control all the time anyway, so it’s safe to just assume that I was, for all purposes, murdered.”

The investigation is proceeding as of this writing, but it is clear that many obstacles stand in the way of a conviction.

“I suspect the investigation into my death is being handled by men.  Men don’t care when other men murder women, because that’s just the way men are, because they are sexist.  On the other hand, I also suspect that the republican party is conspiring to block the investigation.  They are anti-woman, and would do anything to silence a case that exposes the violence of the Party.  They’ll probably say it’s some conspiracy of the Media, or the Left.  What’s with these nutjobs believing in conspiracies all the time?”

Indeed.  And Nancy also makes a strong case against the criminals.

“They really made me feel murdered.  That’s what’s most important here.  As if my presence on that street only mattered for the purpose of having my life taken by two violent men.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever recover.  I’m working through being murdered with the help and support of my family and friends.”

Nancy Fletcher is an advocate against murder privilege.

Children Need Summer Activities

Elena Bandy trumpets her care for children in more ways than being a mere teacher.  There are those in society that believe children are a valuable, precious asset, and should garner our protection and love as they are nurtured to maturity.

“That’s why we should send them off to war.”

Certainly there are some that may find such a suggestion harsh or extreme, but studies have shown that children engaged in activities during school vacation periods have improved test scores and community relationships.

“Outside of actual useful knowledge like mythology and civics, children need to develop team skills and learn to function under pressure to prepare for life as adults.  We can’t coddle them incessantly by letting them spend all their free time laughing and playing and enjoying their youth.”

I spoke with Elena from Soft Elementary’s junior safe room, with no children present as there were strong opinions being expressed.

“It’s really about more than just having an activity.  Without something to fill the time, some children may discover other activities, such as reading the literature of prominent libertarians like Ron Paul or George Bush.  They might even stumble upon the works of Mises.  We used to strive to keep books by Mises and Rothbard out of our libraries, but with the internet these days…and you never know what kids are looking up.”

The chilling thought that children might actively pursue knowledge outside the scope of approved education keeps Elena up at night, and it’s why she believes a quarter of each child’s year would be best spent on the battlefield.

“Naturally I don’t mean on the actual battlefield, unless it is absolutely necessary.  But children need to occupy their time.  And it’s so educational.  These kids learn first-hand how dangerous guns are, and why they should never want to own guns for personal use.  Children should be aware at an early age that guns are only for those highly trained individuals in the military or the police.”

Some question the validity of serving militarily as being a child’s activity.  But Elena, former gym coach, knows a thing or two about activity.

“Think of the fun things children would get to be a part of.  They could be overseas, meeting new and diverse cultures.  They get to march for hours, singing cadence.  All children love to sing.  And marching is great exercise.  Then there is learning about responsibility and discipline, and even a little math thrown in as they learn how to target with mortars.  The children even get to grow as part of a team, wearing the same uniforms and everything.”

It sure beats swimming, right?

Device Deflation Devastation

Armando Durkin works hard for his money as a recipient of a national cellists’ endowment.  It’s no wonder he’s in a tizzy over the recent abnormalities in pricing for consumer electronics.

“I was going to buy a used iPhone.  I couldn’t do it when I saw the price.  It was outrageous!  For something old, used, and battered, the price had been significantly…”

He couldn’t even bring himself to finish the sentence.  The device had dropped in price by nearly fifty percent.

“We live in a time when things have gotten tough for a lot of people.  Some are losing homes.  Others pour their heart and soul into waiting for the next check from the government.  How are we helping these people if all of the outdated products still sitting on shelves are having their prices reduced?”

Armando refers to the deflationary death spiral as the Great Enemy.  He sees a world in which government must do more than talk about maintaining inflationary policies: they must make sure that prices are never allowed to come down.

“People can’t afford to live as it is.  If prices are allowed to come down, who does that help?  Nobody.  Less money is spent, so less money is available to be distributed to the less fortunate among us.  It stands to reason.”

Armando is also deeply troubled by the moral hazards presented by falling prices.

“People who spend less ultimately save more.  Is there anything more dangerous to the economy right now than people sitting on money?  The engine of the economy can’t turn if the nation’s savers refuse to pump their hard-earned cash back into the system.  We need better policy.  Ten years ago, a new video camera cost nearly a thousand dollars.  I can buy a decent HD digital recording camera for less than two hundred dollars now.  If that isn’t an indicator of a messed up economy, I don’t know what is.”

Armando is currently running a GoFundMe to raise money for a new house.


French Fries Come Under Scrutiny

Elton Rutherford is a person who cares about the big issues, such as transgender bathrooms and whether Olympic athletes apologize for their behavior.  He says it bothers him when major stories are ignored by the press, and now he would like to make people aware of an issue that threatens to undermine whatever we all stand for.

“I’m talkin’ French fries.  Big ‘F’.  Everybody has them.  You go to a Mickey D’s or BK, you know, you gotta have some fries.  But I don’t get how they’re all called French fries, and they’re all different.  Ain’t that just dumb?  And are any of these even real French cuts?  You can’t just call something something and then sell it like it’s some kind of something.”

Incredible wisdom.  And it’s true: every day, thousands of people are ordering “French” fries, unaware that they may not be getting exactly what they pay for.  How do we solve this problem?

“We need laws.  Regulations.  You know, like ‘regular’?  Gotta standardize so people know they’re gettin’ what they’re gettin’.  That’s what government’s for, right?  Need a process.  We need to cut things a certain way.  We need to make sure these giant megalith corporations and family restaurants are spending the right amount, hiring the right people, using the right tools, and investing in the right equipment.  This senator guy, he told me he knew someone that made automatic potato peelers, and if people had to cut ’em the right way, that guy could sell a lot more machines.   We can create jobs ‘n everything.”

It sounds brilliant, but Elton understands that with every major, earth-shattering reform, there are road bumps.

“Well, you know.  Everyone’s gotta agree on what a French fry is.  And some people might just call ’em ‘fries’ or ‘Swiss fries’ or somethin’, find some loophole like they always do.  We need to make sure the laws prevent that, at least to some extent.  Then of course we got those Libertarians that talk like all these people can make decisions without government, and all that nonsense about economists from Hungary, or whatever it was.”

The world could use more bright, talented, philosophical thinkers like Elton Rutherford.

Police Protection Explodes

Abel Baker used to be the kind of man that went about his business while activist groups protested in the streets.  Since the recent shootings in Dallas, he sees the world in a new way.

“Yeah, there’s that whole racial divide thing, but really what we’re witnessing here is a step forward in security for everyone, and all races, genders, and ethno-diverse genders.”

What is this bright future?  Abel is referring to the use of drones to snuff crime.

“It was kind of silly to have officers rushing in to serve justice.  If a machine gets shot, who cares?  People don’t have to die.  When a shooter is hunkered down with no one else around, and cornered with no way out, that is when it is most dangerous.  It’s like a mongoose backed into a corner.”

What about due process?  Some say the shooter was no longer active when the mechanical drone was sent in to blow this man up.

“Once you have a gun in your possession, you’ve pretty much given up your rights.  Think about it.  Guns are bad.  Anyone crazy enough to buy a gun obviously has something screwy going on upstairs, and you can’t play around with things like due process when mental illness is involved.  Really, they should track down all the gun owners that were present and explain to them that they might be the next to snap, and should really consider why they own something that will drive them crazy and make them murderers.”

So is this really a brighter future?  What good is it to have drones that blow up bad guys if we have bright, talented, highly trained officers that can move in, assess a situation with precision, and shoot the bad guys once everything is under control?

“Drones keep our officers safe, but they do more than that.  A drone can be used to carry out negotiations with bad guys.  This can happen in private, in secret, and without the public ever having to know the details about how the police handled the situation before detonating a bomb.  We don’t have to hear the horrible last messages from crazy shooters.  Nobody will have to endure the terrorism and hate speech that will make martyrs out of villains.  The police can bravely keep the details to themselves, and endure that pain for us.  Just think of the money we can save on safe spaces if we simply never have to know what happened.  Think of how much better things would be if it was all just some far-removed incident that never really touches our lives.”

Abel is a pensioned state worker, and former NSA operative.

How War Will Save Us

Paula Upton doesn’t just read the news, she explores the deeper meaning of what politicians and journalists are really trying to say.  From her point of view, the context might be all wrong, but the method is perfect.  All of the war, all of the problems, all of the so-called bad things about American foreign policy can only have one real outcome: Salvation.

“Great leaders like Barack Obama know what they are doing.  I mean, you can’t be the leader of a country and not know a thing or two, right?  But when people complain about gun control, I think they really miss the bigger picture.”

So what does gun control have to do with war overseas?  And what is the big picture?

“While I was thinking about all the things that made America great, as I sat and watched the fireworks on the fourth of July, I finally understood.  The wars.  The violent criminals.  Everything.  It’s all part of a bigger plan.  Americans need to give up their guns, and the sooner the better.  Send them to arm rebels in places like Syria, and other tyrannical countries.  Iraq.  Iran.  Switzerland.  This is how we save America, from within and without.”

Paula, having once been to college, demonstrates the wisdom and insight only a degree in Political Diversity and Identity can lend.  If you’re still trying to work it out, let’s hear just a little more from Paula:

“Guns are bad.  Guns are dangerous.  Only a police force or military can possibly train people to use them properly.  It’s actually more dangerous for an innocent, law-abiding citizen to have one in any situation.  Apply that to war, and what happens?  All of our armed, untrained enemies will end up shooting themselves in the foot, literally.  Complete disruption of the enemy.  Sure, we armed rebels, and they became violent with those weapons, but that’s the beauty of it.  This is a master plan by people like Barack Obama, who have the foresight to know how to make enemies destroy themselves.”

Paula has nothing but praise for the renewed push to get guns under control.

“The sooner the government controls guns, the better.  Then it’s just a hop and a skip to convince people of the danger and get them to turn their guns in willingly.  Then we hand those guns over to the Islamic State, laughing all the way while they accidentally shoot each other and do the work of our soldiers for us.  It’s a perfect plan.  Incredible.”

This isn’t just about war in other countries.  Paula believes we can put an end to crime forever.

“If only the criminals have guns, then only the criminals will be hurting themselves.  Just look at how well it works domestically.  Operation Fast and Furious?  Arm a few drug cartels, and now they’re shooting each other all the time.  We have nothing to do but sit back and wait for peace.”

Paula Upton is remarkably patient.

Eight-year-olds Call for New Referendum

Everyone’s talking about the Brexit, so it’s time to hit the pavement and get the skivvy on the playground!  These children (or at least the ones that didn’t think Brexit was a cake) have a lot to say about the UK’s wrong decision to leave the EU.

“Now we have to listen to all these stupid letters all the time.  I’m already in school.”

That’s Ashley Kent.  She likes hopscotch and gummy sweets.

“It’s no fair.  They’re supposed to play by the rules.  Everyone else was playing fine and now they want to play something else.”

Ashley’s pursed lips say it all, but what about Billy Dale, playing with the big, yellow ball on the pavement?

“My mum said they were s’posed to stay in.  Only bad people are mean to mummy.  New rule.  It doesn’t count if you’re bad.  They should have to stay.”

Robby Winslow agrees.

“They’re all stupid liars.  They asked them already, and everyone said they wanted to stay, but then they lied and didn’t want to stay.  New rule!  You gotta do what you said first!”

Missy, playing on her swings, takes a more philosophical approach to the issue.  She believes the referendum doesn’t really count because only the UK got to vote.

“Everyone else gets to play, too, and they didn’t want us to leave!  Besides, I thought the rule was that you can’t vote with a blue shirt on, and some people had blue shirts on, so it doesn’t count.  New rule:  Let’s redo it only no blue shirts this time.”

And finally, little Mangela Urkel had some thoughts to add, while licking a lollipop:

“I heard that it was just Hitler voting over and over and that’s the only reason it worked.  New rule.  Hitler can’t vote.”

It’s hard to ignore the overwhelming demand for new regulation.